Lately, my Weight Watchers leader has been pressuring me to declare myself at “goal.”
This wouldn’t be such a bad thing – in fact, I might just take it as a compliment – if she weren’t telling me this as though she has no faith in me and my ability to reach my initial weight loss goal.
Allow me to back up a bit. As most of you know, I set out on this journey in Nov. 2007 to lose approximately 120 pounds. With a start weight hovering right around 265 pounds, and a height of 5’4, I needed to shed at least that many pounds to reach an appropriate BMI for my height.
I have never in my life settled in at a healthy BMI. Not once. Perhaps I may have briefly paused at a “healthy” weight on my way down and back up (and down, and back up again) between 120 and 250 pounds throughout 15+ years of yo-yo dieting. But in all honesty, I’ve always been overweight. It’s who I am. And it’s how I’ve always defined myself.
That’s why, this time around, it was never my intention to don midriff-baring bathing suits or slip into skinny jeans. All I really wanted was to be considered a “normal” size for the very first time in my 24 years of existence.
At Sunday’s weigh-in, my Weight Watchers leader complimented me on how I’m “wasting away to nothing.” According to her, I’m apparently already so thin that I can never hope to reach 145 pounds – my original goal. She asked me if I’ve seen my doctor yet to obtain a note indicating that I can maintain my weight where it is now. Then Weight Watchers will consider me at “goal,” I can begin the maintenance phase and, eventually, achieve lifetime status on the program.
I look much smaller than what the scale might suggest, she says, so trying to drop additional weight – especially a whopping 30 pounds – just isn’t necessary. She essentially advised me to throw in the towel and stay right where I am.
Needless to say, I’m still slightly infuriated.
Yes, she’s probably right in that I may want to consider talking to my doctor and adjusting my goal weight. I’ve been stuck in the 170s for well over a year now, and yet many of my medium tops and size 8 jeans are becoming too loose to wear. Even though the numbers on the scale have leveled out, I continue to see subtle changes in my body every single day. I’m not trying to be a size 2, and I’m already in the best shape of my life, so trying to lose another 30 pounds could very well be an unrealistic objective.
However, I’m not one to accept being told that I CAN’T do something. And I’m not crazy about her insistence to skip right to the finish line. Nobody knows what’s best for me better than I do…not my leader, not my doctor, not even my mother.
To be fair, I truly am almost happy with the person I see staring back at me in the mirror. I could do without the stretch marks and loose skin, of course, but how could I not be proud of how my body looks now, and what I’ve accomplished so far? I’m becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin, and I’m getting to know the person who has been buried underneath all of this fat for so many years. I’m getting there. Slowly, but surely.
Still, I want nothing more than to earn my 100-pound star. I’m not even thinking about quitting until I do. And I firmly told her that.
I’ve come too far, and fought too hard, to give up now.
Loss to date: 91.2 lbs